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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of jamaica comedy and other funny jokes |
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Joke Online
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, 'Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce. ''Because, ' the man says, 'I live in a two-story house. 'The Judge replies, 'What kind of a reason is that! What's the big deal about a two-story house?'The man answers, 'Well Judge, one story is. . . **I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month!** '
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?A: A duck filled fatty puss!Q: What kind of cat should you take into the desert?A: A first aid kitty!Q: Why do cats chase birds?A: For a lark!Q: What do cats read in the morning?A: Mewspapers!Q: What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws?A: An acrocat!Q: What do you call a cat wearing shoes?A: Puss in boots!Q: Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house?A: Because she heard fowl language!Q: There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left?A: None. They were all copy cats!
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Naughty Joke
This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. 'Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time. ' And she dashes out of her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table. When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! 'Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!' And that night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified. 'You're going to kill him, ' they say, or 'He's just yanking your chain, ' but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends. Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. 'You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?'The wife stoically replied, 'I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel when he was licking his ass. '
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Situation Joke
The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, 'Compared to what?' She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, 'I'm bigger than that. ' Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, 'I'm bigger than that. ' Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, 'I'm about that big. ' She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, 'You're a medium. '
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Mad Joke
adenoids. . . . . (n) Space critters whut are keepin' Elvis alive on Pluto anasthesia. . . (n) Rushun princess y'all red 'bout in skool. antacid. . . . . . (n) aloosinagenic drugs uzed by itty bitty bugz. bowel. . . . . . . . (n) A alfabit letter lyke A, E, I, O, or U or why? bronchitis. . . (n) dinosour frum the plastikseen age; extinked. catscan. . . . . . (v) lukin' fer hookers (don y'all do this) cauterize. . . . (v) makin' eye contak with a hooker (berry dangerous) d & c. . . . . . . . (n) Warshingtun; whar the weirdos, purvurts, & kongress type peepul live. emema. . . . . . . . (n) sumone who ain't never no frend no how fester. . . . . . . (n) yer unkles name (mos likelee) genital. . . . . . (n) head of a army, fer sample, Genital Robert E. Lee heart. . . . . . . . (v) when u cauz pain to some1 hypodermic. . . (n) huge, big, fat zoo crittur; mostly live in de woter mamogram. . . . . (n) short note sent 2 yer ma er other female papsmear. . . . . (v) when peepul sez veri ugli things bout yer pappy recovery. . . . . (n) place wear yew fix up yer fernitur rectum. . . . . . . (v) whut happenz when yew drive yer pick up truck drunk seizure. . . . . . (n) Emperore of Rome. series. . . . . . . (n) tv continuin show, fer sample, Gomer Pyle, U. S. M. C. testicles. . . . (n) books of the Bible tumor. . . . . . . . (n) how many beers yew can drink after last call urine. . . . . . . . (v) xact oppisyte of yerrout
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Clean Humor
IN PRISON. . . You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK. . . . . You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. IN PRISON. . . You get three meals a day. AT WORK. . . . . You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON. . . You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK. . . . . You get rewarded for good behavior with more work. IN PRISON. . . A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK. . . . . You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. IN PRISON. . . You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK. . . . . You get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON. . . You get your own toilet. AT WORK. . . . . You have to share. IN PRISON. . . They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK. . . . . You cannot even speak to your family and friends. IN PRISON. . . All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK. . . . . You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON. . . You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. AT WORK. . . . . You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON. . . There are wardens who are often sadistic. AT WORK. . . . . They are called supervisors. IN PRISON. . . You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes. AT WORK. . . . . You get fired if you get caught.
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Funny Famous Joke
A woman in her 90's is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can't live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn't want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is. He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger. Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman's left thigh.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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