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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of irish wit and other funny jokes |
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American Joke
Q: How can you tell it's midnight at an American airport?
A: When you see the 8:00 PM flights taking off.
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Bar Joke - 2
Twas the night before ChristmasAnd all through the houseThere were empties and buttsLeft around by some louse. And the best quart I'd hidBy the chimney with careHad been swiped by some creepWho'd discovered it there!Our hung-over guestsHad been poured into bed(They'll wake in the mornWith a God-awful head)My tongue, cotton-coated, Hung down to my beltAnd only the seasickCould know how I felt!My wife - she had long agoGone up to bedWhile visions of RedskinsDanced in her head. And I in the parlorSat all alone, I'd unplugged the catAnd put out the phone. Just then, through a windowCame noise and smellsLike an overturned beer truckAnd tinkle of bells!I sprang from my chairTo see what was the matterTo see what was causingThe smell and the clatter. When what to my wonderingEyes did appearBut eight drunken reindeerAnd sled full of beer!With a little old driver, Nose red as a brick, I knew it was SantaAs tight as a tick!Weaving upward and downwardHis reindeer they cameWhile he hiccoughed and burpedAnd called them by name:'On Gallo! On Ripple!We ain't got all night!You, too, Manischevitz!And you, Miller lite!'Ho Bud! Easy, Boh!Give Busch there a hand!Now now, Lowenbrau -You can go when we land!Head up for that roof --Watch out for the wall!Get going, you guysWe've got a long haul!'So up to my roofWent his reindeer and sledBut my TV antennaHit him right in the head!And then in a twinklingI heard Santa swearSo hot that it meltedThe snow everywhere!I could tell in a momentThis guy had no classFor he fell down my chimneyRight smack on his sack!He was dresed all in furFrom his head to his toes. Red were his eyeballs, His coat and his nose. He had a round faceAnd toy-filled sackHis breath would have blownA freight off the track!He was chubby and plumpAnd he tried to stand rightBut he couldn't fool me -He was high as a kite!He spoke not a wordBut went straight to his workAnd missed half the stockings, The plastered old jerk!Then putting five fingersTo the end of his noseHe gave me the wordAs up the chimney he rose. Crossing my rooftopHe went at a runNot seeing what oneOf his reindeer had done. He skidded, and thenFell flat on his face!His remarks after thisWere a total disgrace!Then he got in his sledAnd I heard Santa moan:'Why did I stop there?Bux's kids are all grown!'
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Various animal Joke
When should you feel sorry for a skunk? When its spray pump is out of order!
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Monster Joke
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag. mons
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At Work Joke
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. 'I'm sorry, he's dead, ' was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: 'I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it. '
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Mad Joke
A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the doctor came in bouncing the baby from hand to hand like a basketball. 'Here's your baby, maam' says the doctor. The doctor then throws the baby on the floor, hurls it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times, and then drop kicks it straight out of the 10th floor window. Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and hollers, 'My God!!! What have you done to my baby?!?!!!'The doctor chuckles a little to himself and says, 'April Fools!!!He was already dead!'
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Funny College Joke
Why do University of Arkansas graduates tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars? So they can park in handicapped spaces.
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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