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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of internet comedy and other funny jokes |
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
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Festival Joke
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. 'Please let me in, ' says the man desperately. 'I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one. ''Okay, ' says the butcher. 'Let me see what I have left. ' He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. 'That's one is too skinny. What else you got?' says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man. 'Oh, no, ' says the man, 'That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!'
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Sports Humor
A lady golfer is stung by a wasp. She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him. 'I've been stung by a wasp' She says. ' Where did it get you?' He replies'Between the 1st and 2nd hole''I think your stance must be a little too wide'
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Job and Office Joke
MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong. Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous. ' Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T . . . ). If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People are always available for work in the past tense. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. No one gets sick on Wednesdays. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, 'How would the Lone Ranger handle this?' The longer the title, the less important the job. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. An 'acceptable' level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
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Men Joke
One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, 'You should be hung!' To which he calmly replied, 'I am. That's why she cuts the grass!'
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Book title Joke
At the South Pole by Anne Tarctic
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Insect Joke
Why was the ladybird kicked out of the forest? Because she was a litter bug.
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Animal Joke
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted '240-S'. The dealer asks, 'Why 'S'?'The snail replies, ''S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving. 'Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say 'Wow! Look at that S-car go!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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