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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of inner city big fun and other funny jokes |
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Police Joke
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, 'How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?' 'No, ma'am, ' explained the officer, 'it's your foot. '
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Law Joke
What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
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Animal Joke
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, 'I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk. 'Bartender: 'Yeah! Sure. . . go ahead. 'Man: 'What covers a house?'Dog: 'Roof!'Man: 'How does sandpaper feel?'Dog: 'Rough!'Man: 'Who was the greatest ball player of all time?'Dog: 'Ruth!'Man: 'Pay up. I told you he could talk. 'The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, 'or is the greatest player Mantle?'
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Instrument Joke
A soprano died and went to Heaven. St. Peter stopped her at the gate asking, 'Well, how many false notes did you sing in your life?'The soprano answers, 'Three. ''Three times, fellows!' says Pete, and along comes an angel and sticks the soprano three times with a needle. 'Ow! What was that for?' asks the soprano. Pete explains, 'Here in heaven, we stick you once for each false note you've sung down on Earth. ''Oh, ' says the soprano, and is just about to step through the gates when she suddenly hears a horrible screaming from behind a door. 'Oh my goodness, what is that?' asks the soprano, horrified. 'Oh, ' says Pete, 'that's a tenor we got some time back. He's just about to start his third week in the sewing machine. '
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Math Joke
A physicist, a statistician, and a (pure) mathematician go to the races and place bets on horses.
The physicist's horse comes in last. 'I don't understand it. I have determined each horse's strength through a series of careful measurements. '
The statistician's horse does a little bit better, but still fails miserably. 'How is this possible? I have statistically evaluated the results of all races for the past month. '
They both look at the mathematician whose horse came in first. 'How did you do it?'
'Well', he explains. 'First, I assumed that all horses were identical and spherical. . . '
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I may have PMS, but you're still a dick!!
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Clinton Joke
One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!' When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said, 'I want a boat. ' The second boy said 'I want a truck. ' And the third boy said, 'I want three tombstones with are names all on them. ' Bill Clinton said, 'why is that son?' The little boy said, 'because when my Dad finds out that we saved you, he is going to kill us all!'
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Spelling Joke
What insect can be spelled with just one letter? Bee.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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