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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of i started a joke wallflowers and other funny jokes |
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Space Joke
What does an astronaut do when he gets angry? He blasts off:
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Love and Marriage Joke
QUESTION: Do you know what is honeymoon? ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
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Dog Joke - 1
Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping trips? Chihuahua: I like to 'ruff it!
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Bed Joke
I'd love you to stay the night, but I'm afraid you'll have to make your own bed. Oh, That's all right, I don't mind at all. Right. Here's a hammer, a saw, and some nails. The wood's in the garage. I have four legs, but only one foot. What am I? A bed
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Horse Joke
Did you hear about the guy who went to the races and while there he observed a Roman Catholic priest who went over to a horse and sprinkled it with holy water. The horse went on to win the race, streaking ahead of the opposition. Before the next race he saw the priest go over to another horse and sprinkle it with holy water. Like the first horse it went on to win its race. The guy said to himself that if the priest sprinkles another horse with holy water I am going to bet every penny I have on that horse. Sure enough, the priest went over to another horse and sprinkled it with holy water. So the guy went to a bookie and bet every penny he had on this horse. Then the race started and the horse that the priest sprinkled with holy water dropped dead about 100 yards after the start of the race. The guy was devastated. So he went over to the priest and said, 'What's going on here? The last two horses you sprinkled with holy water went on to win their races, and this last one you sprinkled dropped dead after only 100 yards. I had put every penny I had on it's nose!' The priest replied, 'You're not Roman Catholic, are you?' The guy admitted that he was not and asked, 'But, how do you know that?' The priest said, 'Because you don't know the difference between giving a blessing and administering the last rights. '
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Short Stupid Joke
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says 'Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me'?After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, 'Medically, no, but here's something you can try. . . on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping. 'The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby 'slips it in', she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, 'what the *@#% was that? The wife explains, 'oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping'. The husband cries out, 'Well snap it again, it's got my balls!!!!'
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School Joke
A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see.
One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his
arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D.
“Look what I spelled, Mom!” with a proud smile on his face.
“That's wonderful!” his mom praised him. “Now go put them on the fridge so Dad
can see when he gets home tonight. ”
The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly having
an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: “Mom? How do you spell
‘zilla’?”
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Election Joke
The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each. ' The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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