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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of hunstanton joke shop and other funny jokes |
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Pensioner Joke
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they 'oohed and aahed' the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
'It's free,' Peter replied, 'this is Heaven. '
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, 'what are the green fees?'.
Peter's reply, 'This is heaven, you play for free. '
Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.
'How much to eat?' asked the old man.
'Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!' Peter replied with some exasperation.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?' the old man asked timidly.
Peter lectured, 'That's the best part. . . you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven. '
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, 'This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!'
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Common Joke
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: 'You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!'
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Police Joke
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop. After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little. The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'. The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'
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Father Joke
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, 'Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today. '
The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, 'That's interesting. How do you make babies?'
'It's simple,' replied the gir
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Dog Joke - 2
Why was the mother flea so unhappy?
All her children had gone to the dogs.
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Naughty Joke
A young boy asked his mother 'Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?' 'Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?' replied by his mother The young boy answered ' The other day, Daddy wastalking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary. '
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Spiked Humor
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, 'Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!'
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Redneck Joke
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?Anyone can roast beef.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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