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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of humour posters and other funny jokes |
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Medical Joke
A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says:'I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems. ' 'What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my child and I'll love it regardless. ' 'Well, yes, of course, . . . but your child has no legs. ' 'Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless. ' 'And it hasn't got any arms either. ' 'What?' 'Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, your child is only a very, very big ear. ' The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her son. 'Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?''There is no need to scream, ' says the doctor 'it's deaf. '
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Situation Joke
00 quiz show. . .
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Christmas Joke - 1
Here's a money saving tip for Christmas: Glue Ju Ju Bee on a Brick and mail it out as a fruitcake!-Julie Brown
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Women Joke
There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face. He just looks at her and says, 'You don't scare me I am married to your sister!''
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Top 100 Joke
IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICECongratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bone-head consumer maneuvers. Which is why we ask you to:PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON 'FAST FORWARD', THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT?WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?!?We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always getting back 'defective' merchandise where it turns out that the consumer inadvertently bathed the device in acid for six days. So, in writing these instructions, we naturally tend to assume that your skull is filled with dead insects, but we mean nothing by it. OK? Now let's talk about:1. UNPACKING THE DEVICE The device is encased in foam to protect it from the Shipping People, who like nothing more than to jab spears into outgoing boxes. PLEASE INSPECT THE CONTENTS CAREFULLY FOR GASHES OR IDA MAE BARKER'S ENGAGEMENT RING, WHICH SHE LOST LAST WEEK, AND SHE THINKS MAYBE IT WAS WHILE SHE WAS PACKING DEVICES. Ida Mae really wants that ring back because it is her only proof of engagement, and her fiancee, Stuart, is now seriously considering backing out on the whole thing in as much as he had consumed most of a bottle of Jim Beam in Quality Control when he decided to pop the question. It is not without irony that Ida Mae's last name is 'Barker', if you get our drift. WARNING: DO NOT EVER AS LONG AS YOU LIVE THROW AWAY THE BOX OR ANY OF THE PIECES OF STYROFOAM, EVEN THE LITTLE ONES SHAPED LIKE PEANUTS. If you attempt to return the device to the store, and you are missing one single pea-nut, the store personnel will laugh in the chilling manner exhibited by Joseph Stalin just after he enslaved Eastern Europe. Besides the device, the box should also contain: * Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say 'WARNING' * A little plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns. YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and '60
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Gorilla Joke
Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army? To avoid the draft!
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Dirty Joke
Why do men masturbate? It's sex with someone they love.
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Vampire Joke
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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