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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of humour greeting cards and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. 'In English, ' he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative. ' A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right. '
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Golf Joke
Amateur golfer: someone who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging and once again after swinging. Oxymoron: an easy par three. A hack: when your divot flies further than your ball. Bad golfer: someone who can take strokes off his game only with an eraser. Duffer: the only guy in the world who has an unplayable lie when he tees up. Mexican hat dance: lots of spike marks around the hole. In jail: deep in the trees with no shot out. Worm burner: a shot going a long way on the ground.
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Elderly People Joke
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother toa nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well caredfor. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her atasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a windowoverlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but aftera while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her andstraighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while shestarts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back andonce more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjustingto her new home. 'So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?' They ask. 'It's pretty nice, ' she replies. 'Except they won't let you fart'
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Free Adult Joke
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, '23
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Accountant Joke
Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years. The entire staff was intrigued but no-one was game to ask him what was in the drawer. Finally the time came for Mr Evans to retire. There was a farewell party with speeches and a presentation. As soon as Mr Evans had left the building some of the staff rushed into his office, unlocked the top drawer and peered in. Taped to the bottom of the drawer was a sheet of paper. It read, 'The debit side is the one nearest the window. '
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
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Joke for Halloween
A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, 'Honey, are you feeling all right?''Not really, ' the blonde replied. 'I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train. ''Poor dear, ' Mom said. 'Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?''I couldn't, ' she replied, 'there was no one there. '
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Horse Joke
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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