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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of humour gifts and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?He didn't have the guts!
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Camping Joke
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, 'Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?'The other guy says, 'Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!'
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Medicine Joke
A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly awasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coaton her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then hemakes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examiningher, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps sohe says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it outby putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as hefeels the wasp. And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife'sscreaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the generalpanic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor sayshe'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, sothe doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on andinstantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug thewife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues withvigour. The husband shouts, 'What the hell's happening?' To whichthe doctor replies, 'Change of plan. I'm going to drown thebastard!!!
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Funny Kids Joke
What did the spider say when he broke his new web?Darn it!
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Bar Joke - 1
There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes ashot of tequilla, slams the glass on the table and says, 'I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee -- just for an extra jolt to start off each day. 'The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey --throws his glass on the floor and says, 'I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest, I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet -- then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine. 'The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says. . . 'I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and screw the cat!'
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Irish Joke
Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other, 'Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?' Pat said, 'Well, I have and I haven't. ' His friend asked, 'Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?' Pat said, 'It's like this, y'see. . . I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another. . . it was neither of us. '
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Idiot and fool Joke
During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle. 'Ah heard the boys is gonna strike, ' he said. 'What fer?' asked Pyle. 'Shorter hours. ' 'Good fer them!' said the redneck. 'Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!'
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Snake Joke
What's long, green and goes hith ? A snake with a lisp !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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