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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of humour ecards and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at thesame time. The Italian boy's father presents him with a new pistol. On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boyreceives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boysare showing each other what they got. They each liked what theother one got, so, they traded. That night, when the Italian boy is at home, his father sees himlooking at the watch. 'Where did you getta thatta watch?' asks theman. The boy explains that he and Sammy had traded. The fatherblows his top. 'Whatta you? Stupidda boy? Whatsa matta you!''Somma day, you maybe gonna getta married. Then maybe sommaday you gonna comma home and finda you wife inna bed withanother man. Whatta you gonna do then? Looka atta you watch andsay, `How longa you gonna be?''
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Best Joke
A blonde was filling out a job application form. She quickly filled out the columns entitled: Name, Age, Address, etc. Finally, she came to the column: Salary Expected. She wrote, 'YES. '
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.
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Top 100 Joke
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? - 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? - 45 minutesLife stinks- I lent a guy ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now I don't know what he looks like! What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? - Sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? $3. 99 a minute. How are women and rocks alike? You skip the flat ones. Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy!What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme. Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after having Sex? A. 'Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes. '
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Ethnic Humor
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says 'Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now. ' The mexican man pleads with them, 'No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!' The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says 'Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence'. The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, 'The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence. ' The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, 'Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?'
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Business Joke
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. 'If I were to give you $'20
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Divorce Joke
Miss DeAngelo was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn't find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. 'Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the 'other woman' in her husband's life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?' 'Well, yes, ' acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, 'but I couldn't help it. ' 'Couldn't help it?' asked the lawyer derisively. 'How's that?' 'Mr. Evans deceived me. ' 'Exactly what do you mean?' 'See, when we signed in, ' she explained, 'he told the motel clerk I was his wife. '
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Gender Joke
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say. . . 'IT'S A GUY THING'Translated:* 'There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. ''CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?'Translated:* 'Why isn't it already on the table?''UH HUH, ' 'SURE, HONEY, ' OR 'YES, DEAR'Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. 'IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN'Translated:* 'I have no idea how it works. ''TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD. 'Translated:* 'I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner. ''THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR. 'Translated:* 'Are you still talking?''YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS. 'Translated:* 'I remember the theme song to 'F Troop, ' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every carI've ever owned. . . but I forgot your birthday. ''OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 'Translated:* 'I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt. ''HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING. 'Translated:* 'And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon. ''I CAN'T FIND IT. 'Translated:* 'It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless. ''WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?'Translated:* 'What did you catch me at?''I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE. 'Translated:* 'No one will ever see us alive again. ''WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK. 'Translated:* 'I make the messes; she cleans them up. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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