Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and . . . everything!!!

Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes, 50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles and 2 combine harvesters.

So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut as soon as possible!!!

Archive of humour christmas cards and other funny jokes

Assorted Joke

What do you call an unemployed jester? . . . Nobody's fool. Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf -- Because for them, it's too much like their work -- you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another. Feminist's lament: 'I think, therefore I am single. 'Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: 'Push . . . Push . . . Push!'Sign in a podiatrist's window: 'Time wounds all heels. 'Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: 'Reserved for plant manager. 'Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: 'Please do not disturb further. 'Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: 'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scornto smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. If a tree falls in a forest, and hits a mime, does anybody say anything about it?Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning. Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. What do you say to a Buddhist hot dog vendor? . . . Make me one with everything. What kind of rocks are on the bottom of the Mississippi River? . . . WET rocks. Many of us would be delighted to pay as we go if we could only catch up from paying as we've already gone. Personals Ad: 'Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money. If you're not one of my creditor, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was repossessed. Stanley, Box 99. 'Personals Ad: 'Physician, 35 - Desires to meet that special woman with real inner beauty. Send X- rays to: Dr. Mellonchop, BOX 67. 'Sign in a cafeteria: 'Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. ' (Then, in pencil beneath the sign): 'Socks can eat anyplace they want. 'Sign in a restaurant window: 'T-bone: 99 Cents. ' (Then, in fine print underneath: 'With meat: $14. 95'). A hardware store has a sign that reads: 'Today's special. (Then, below it, in pencil): 'So's tomorrow. 'Sign in an Austrian hotel catering to mountain climbers: 'Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. 'Chinese proverb: 'If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children drum. 'How can there be self-help 'groups'?If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?Is there another word for synonym?Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be Thrown away?Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?

Note : Many of our jokes have been submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let us know and they will be removed immediately.