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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of humour birthday cards and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
Which condom would you use?Nike Condoms: Just do it. Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling. Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby. Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop. Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker. Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing. Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman. Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple. Ford Condoms: The best never rest. Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock. Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know. Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever. EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good. Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing. Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
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Election Joke
Boy: Dad, what's politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son.
That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him.
The next day. . .
Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government's fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!
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Mad Joke
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. 'Last night I made love to my wife four times, ' the Frenchman bragged, 'And this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me. ''Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times, ' the Italian responded, 'And this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man. 'When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, 'And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?''Once, ' he replied. 'Only once?' the Italian arrogantly snorted. 'And what did she say to you this morning?''Don't stop. '
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Funny Kids Joke
What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code?A morese-quito!
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Waiter Joke
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, 'You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!' The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
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Worlds Best Joke
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. 'Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?' Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say 'I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?' The telemarketer will agree and you say, 'Now you know how I feel!' After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. Tell the telemarketer you are on 'home incarceration' and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, 'I don't have any friends. . . would you be my friend?' Cry out in surprise, 'Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?' Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. When they ask 'How are you today?' Tell them! 'I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems, my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died. . . '
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Mental health Joke
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. 'Just to establish some parameters, ' said the professor to the student from Arkansas, 'What is the opposite of joy?' 'Sadness, ' said the student. And the opposite of depression?' he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. 'Elation, ' said she. 'And you sir, ' he said to the young man from Texas, 'how about the opposite of woe?' The Texan replied, 'Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up. '
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Dog Joke - 1
Q: What do you say to a dog before he eats? - A: Bone appetite!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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