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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of hilarious text jokes and other funny jokes |
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Animal Joke
A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting 'I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own 'croc!, ' to which the shopkeeper replied, 'by all means, just watch out for those two 'ole boys' who are doing the same!'. So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed 'Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!'.
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Simple Joke
Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived. 'Right at the end of , ' Billy Bob replied. 'Could you spell that for me please?' the operator asked. After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, 'How 'bout I just drag her on over to Pine Street and y'all can pick her up there?'
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Mad Joke
How do you get a blond out of a tree? WaveHow do you drown a blond? Stick a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the toliet and tell her to sniff. What is the diference between a blond and a mosquito? A mosquito knows when to stop sucking. When can you tell witch cars a blond's car? The stick shift is wet.
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Miscellaneous Joke
Okay, so this blonde is driving by in his red sports car, and he seesanother blonde rowing with oars in a cornfield. Well, he is just absolutely furious and he gets out of the car and yells tothe blonde in the cornfield: 'Hey, if I knew how to swim, I'd go right outthere and give you a piece of my mind!'
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Weather Joke
What did Santa Claus's wife say during a thunderstorm? 'Come and look at the rain, dear. '
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Teeth Joke
What sort of an act do you do? I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth. Anything else? Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.
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Hair and bald Joke
Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg? Because he always uses a razor.
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Just for Laughs Joke
A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east. He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were 'one with the land'. The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, 'You see that Indian?''Yeah, ' says the city-slicker. 'Look, ' says the cowboy, 'he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!'Just then the Indian looks up. 'Covered wagon, ' he says, 'about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon. ''Incredible!' says the cousin to the cowboy. 'This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!'The Indian looks up and says. . . 'Ran over me about a half hour ago. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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