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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of hilarious birthday jokes and other funny jokes |
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Romance Joke
Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. ?. Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge.
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Easy to Remember Joke
A greenhorn visiting Alaska was talking to two old sourdoughs. They informed him he was a cheechako. The greenhorn asked how he could become a sourdough. The two sourdoughs winked at each other, and told him he had to do three things. First, he had to pee in the Yukon River. Second, he had to wrestle with a grizzly bear. And last, he had to make love to an Athabascan Indian woman. 'No problem, ' said the cheechako, and off he went. He hired himself a guide, and soon had dispatched his first duty. Then they found the grizzly bear. The cheechako chased the bear into a cave. The most awful roaring and screaming emitted from that cave, along with blood and fur. Finally, the cheechako staggers out of the cave. 'Okay, ' he said to the guide. 'Where's that Indian woman I'm supposed to wrassle!'
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Zodiac Joke
Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.
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Funny Men Joke
A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show. The first candidate walks in, and the boss says, 'This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?' The guy says, 'Well damn! You got no ears man!' So the boss yells, 'Get out!' The second candidate comes in, and the boss says, 'This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is something you notice about me?' The guy says, 'That's easy, you got no ears!' So the boss says, 'Get out!' As the second candidate leaves he sees the third candidate about to go in and says, 'The boss has no ears so don't say anything about them, cause he is really sensitive about it. ' So the third candidate goes in and the boss says, 'This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What do you notice about me?' The guy says, 'Your wearing contacts!'And the boss says, 'Yeah, how did you know?' So the guy replies, 'Well darn, you can't wear glasses cause you ain't got no ears. '
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places Well don't go back there again then!
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Pig Joke
Who sends flowers on Valentines Day? Cupigs!
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Funny College Joke
Women's English:Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = NoI'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure go ahead = I don't want you to. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper. . . Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead. ] Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep. I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important. The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Everything = My PMS is acting up. Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole. ==========================================================Men's English:'I'm hungry' = I'm hungry. 'I'm sleepy' = I'm sleepy. 'I'm tired' = I'm tired. 'Do you want to go to a movie?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 'Can I take you out to dinner?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 'Can I call you sometime?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 'May I have this dance?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 'Nice dress!' = Nice cleavage! 'You look tense, let me give you a massage. ' = I want to fondle you. 'What's wrong?' = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this. 'What's wrong?' = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 'What's wrong?' = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. 'I'm bored. ' = Do you want to have sex? 'I love you. ' = Let's have sex now. 'I love you, too. ' = Okay, I said it. . . we'd better have sex now! 'Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. ' = I liked it better before. 'Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. ' = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! 'Let's talk. ' = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. 'Will you marry me?' = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. (while shopping) 'I like that one better. ' = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! 'I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. ' = I am gay.
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Funny Joke
I never forget a face!But in your case I'll make an exception!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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