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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of hen night fun and other funny jokes |
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Weather Joke
Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you.
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Mad Joke
ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION:You'll be making under $7 an hour. ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY:You'll be making under $7 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year. PROFIT-SHARING PLAN:Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit. COMPETITIVE SALARY:We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers. NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since. IMMEDIATE OPENING:The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:We have a lot of turnover. MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:Some time each night and some time each weekend. FLEXIBLE HOURS:Work 40 hours; get paid for 25. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAILWe have no quality control. COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion. CAREER-MINDED:Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). APPLY IN PERSON:If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:You whine, you're fired. I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks. I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:'I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do. I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:I've used Microsoft Office. I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:'I pilfer office supplies. MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:I blame others for my mistakes. I'M PERSONABLE:I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better. I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:I carry a Day-Timer. MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:You're probably looking for someone more experienced. I AM ADAPTABLE:I've changed jobs a lot. I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there. I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:I'm a college drop-out. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:Wait! Don't throw me away!I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
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Elderly People Joke
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: 'Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?''Yes, I know, ' said the lady, 'I need both hands to hold onto this hat. ''But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!'said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, 'Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!'
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England of a visit. 'Do you have anything to declare?' asked the customs inspector. 'No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all. ''How long do you plan to stay?''Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks. ''By the way, where did you learn English?''From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio. '
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Legal Humor
Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?The cats keep covering them up with sand!
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Strange Humor
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
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Insect Joke
What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ? One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie !
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Bar Joke - 1
A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.
The bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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