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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of headliners comedy and other funny jokes |
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Doctor and nurse Joke
How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
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Top 100 Joke
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on him. Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: Tame way, unique up on him.
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Computer Joke
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer geek are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer geek says 'It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!'
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Easy to Remember Joke
1. I would not allow this employee to breed. 2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a wont be. 3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. 4. When she stops to open her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there. 5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. 6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy. 7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 9. This employee should go far and sooner he starts, the better. 10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 11. The biggest tool in the shed. 12. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasnt looking. 13. A room temperature IQ. 14. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together. 15. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 16. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. 17. A prime candidate for natural deselection. 18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests. 19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it. 20. Fell out of the family tree. 21. Bright as Alaska in December. 22. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming. 23. Has two brains: one is lost; and the other is looking for it. 24. If brains were taxed she would get a refund. 25. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week. 26. Hes so dense light bends around him. 27. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you would get change. 28. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 29. Its hard to believe he beat out '1
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King Kong Joke
What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben? He found time-consuming.
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Top 100 Joke
** A waist is a terrible thing to mind. ** Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor. ** Atheism - A non-prophet organization. ** Boycott shampoo!!! Demand True poo! ** Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way! ** Clones are people two. ** COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage. ** Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? ** Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery. ** Entropy isn't what it used to be. ** Everyone is entitled to my opinion. ** Gene Police: 'YOU!! Out of the pool!' ** Ground Beef: Cow With No Legs ** Help stamp out, delete, and eradicate unnecessary, superfluous redundancy. ** I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. ** Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! ** Mouse. . . n. elephant built by the Japanese. ** My reality check just bounced. ** No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. ** Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. ** Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. ** So, what IF there were no hypothetical questions hypothetically. . .
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Elderly People Joke
An old man goes to the doctor and says 'Dr. , I don't know what's wrongwith me. My dick is orange. 'The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. Hehas no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently paintedanything orange. The old man said 'No. 'The Dr. thinks for a minute and then asks the guy if he has recentlybeen exposed to any chemicals at work. The old man said 'No, I'm retired. 'The Dr. then asks the guy if he could have been working with anychemicals in his garage. The old man replied 'No Dr. , I told you, I'm retired. All I do is sitaround all day, watch pornos and eat Cheetos. . .
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Dumb Blonde Joke
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think. . . ' and it sucked her in.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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