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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of hauck fun for kids and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, 'What do you have in there, pal?' 'A mongoose. ' 'What for?' 'Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection. ' 'But, ' the friend said, 'you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes. ' 'That's okay, ' said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, 'So is the mongoose. '
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Practical Joke
'Husseinfeld' 'Mad About Everything' 'U. S. Military Secrets Revealed' 'Suddenly Sanctions' 'Allah McBeal' 'Wheel of Fortune and Terror' 'Achmed's Creek' 'Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers' 'Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs' 'Just Shoot Me'
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Best Joke
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when applying to NYU where he now attends. 3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat . 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group ofterrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do notapply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college.
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Joke for Kids
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. 'I'd love an ice-cold beer right now, ' he told the genie. Poof! A beer appeared. Next the man said, 'I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women. 'Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him. Oh, man this is the life, the guy thought. 'I wish I never had to work again. ' And poof!. . . He was back at his desk in the government office!
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Law Joke
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. 'Tim, you be first,' she said. 'What does your mother do all day?'
Tim stood up and proudly said, 'She's a doctor. '
'That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?'
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, 'My father is a mailman. '
'Thank you, Amie,' said the teacher. 'What about your father, Billy?'
Billy proudly stood up and announced, 'My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse. '
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father said, 'I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?'
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Stupid Blonde Joke
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: 'Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces. '
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Ethnic Humor
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. 'Our flag symbolizes our taxes, ' he said. 'We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them. ' 'That's the same with us, ' the American said, 'only we see stars, too. '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Love for all, Hatred for none
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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