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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of harp laughs on tour and other funny jokes |
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Gorilla Joke
Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!
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American Joke
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, 'Mommy, How old are you?'
The mother responded, 'Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older. '
The girl then asked, 'Mommy, how much do you weigh?'
Her mother responded again, 'That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up. '
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, 'Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, 'Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now. '
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, 'All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just like a report card from school. It tells you everything. '
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, 'Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old. '
The mother was very shocked. She asked, 'Sweetheart, how do you know that?'
The little girl shrugged and said, 'I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds. '
'Where did you learn that?'
The little girl said, 'I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex. '
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American Joke
Americans just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. Americans come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here's a small list:
'I guess I'll just never understand the world as it is anymore. . . So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer while sending you this joke - I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?'
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Funny Kids Joke
What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?A grasshopper with hiccups!
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Situations Humor
A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, 'If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it. ' The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, 'Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!'
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Pig Joke
Why do pigs like February 14th? They get lots of Valenswines.
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Movie and TV Joke
Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said 'Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!'
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Easy to Remember Joke
A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around. Teen says, 'Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?'Grandpa replies, 'Nope. ' Teen says, 'Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?' Grandpa replies, 'A wedding ring. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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