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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of hannah montana fun and games cartoon doll emporium and other funny jokes |
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Mother Joke
A pregnant woman from Washington, D. C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them. '
The woman thinks to herself, 'No, not my brother. . . he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?'
'Denise. '
'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'
'Denephew. '
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Weird Women Joke
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?You can unscrew a light bulb!
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Dance Joke
Which dances do the burgers do best? The burger-loo and the char char!
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Fun Funny Joke
How do you make a hot dog stand?Steal its chair.
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Free Adult Joke
A few guppies short of an aquarium. A few inches short of a foot/yard. A few kernels short of an ear. A few kopeks short of a ruble. A few links shy of a chain. A few measures short of a staff. A few open splices. A few peas short of a pod/casserole. A few pickles short of a jar. A few pies short of a holiday. A few planes short of an Air Force / hangar. A few points short of a polygon. A few revisions behind. A few sandwiches/apples/ants short of a picnic. A few screws loose. A few shrimps short of a barbie. A few spoons short of a full set. A few straws shy of a bale. A few tiles missing from his space shuttle. A few tiles short of a successful re-entry. A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree. A few volts below threshold. A few yards short of the hole. A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and. . . What was the question? A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he'd have to give up chewing gum. A kangaroo loose in her top paddock. A lap behind the field. A little light in his loafers. (Apparently offensive to some? Sorry. ) A looney tune.
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Gender Joke
WOMEN?S LANGUAGE TRANSLATEDYes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoI?m sorry. = You?ll be sorry. We need. . . = I wantIt?s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want. . . = You?ll pay for this later. We need to talk. . . = I need to complain Sure. . . go ahead = I don?t want you to. I?m not upset = Of course I?m upset, you moron! You?re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You?re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = . . . and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper. . . . . Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I?m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you?re really not going to like. I?ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Am I fat? = Tell me I?m beautiful. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you?re dead. Was that the baby? = Why don?t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. In response to What?s wrong?:The same old thing = NothingNothing = EverythingNothing, really = It?s just that you?re such an idiot!
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Weird Women Joke
The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of 'Baywatch'have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise. After all, both companies have made millions off airheads withflawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts. If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certainto follow. Some possibilities:Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessoriesinclude a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant. Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteadersimportant tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how totake care of their nails while shoeing a horse. America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crimeagainst feminism. Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks!Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is, Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, and Kens who wear Barbie's clothes. My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens whodon't have huge wardrobes, pools, ponies, and perfect bods. Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school, married tooyoung and ate too much. Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set (she's 27!)arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. 'Tim, you be first, ' she said. 'What does your mother do all day?' Tim stood up and proudly said, 'She's a doctor. ' 'That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?' Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, 'My father is a mailman. ' 'Thank you, Amie, ' said the teacher. 'What about your father, Billy?' Billy proudly stood up and announced, 'My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse. ' The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation. Billy's father said, 'I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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