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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of hampshire whites fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Marriage Joke
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, 'June. ''Yes, this is June. ''Will you marry me?''Of course I will! Who's this?'
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Dog Joke - 1
What did the dog get when he multiplied 497 by 684? The wrong answer.
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Satire Joke
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. 'I know this midget who wants to buy a horse. He has a slight speech impediment, so listen carefully, I'm sending him over. 'The Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. 'A female horth, ' the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. 'Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?' So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. 'Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?' So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes. 'OK, what about the earsth?'Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears. 'OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat. ' With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, 'Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!'
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Military Joke
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: 'Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?'
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Sporting Joke
What do you call a skydiver with no arms and no legs?? Give up?. . . It's Mark!! And what was the name of his dog? It's Spot!
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Totally Weird Joke
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on theedge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said 'Stop! Don't do it!''Why shouldn't I?' he said. I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!''Like what?''Well . . . are you religious or atheist?''Religious. ''Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?''Christian. ''Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?''Protestant. ''Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?''Baptist. ''Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of theLord?''Baptist Church of God. ''Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you ReformedBaptist Church of God?''Reformed Baptist Church of God. ''Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of '1879
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Easy to Remember Joke
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
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Law Enforcement Joke
Police Chief: Why are you putting handcuffs on that building? Officer: I'm making a house arrest
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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