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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of grove jokes and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare ? Pupil: No Teacher: What have you read then ? Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair !
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Bible Joke
A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbileans over and asks, 'So how high can you advance in your organization?'The Priest says 'If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop. ''Well, could you get any higher than that?' asks the Rabbi. 'I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I mightbe made an ArchBishop' said the Priest a bit cautiously. 'Is there any way that you might go higher than that?''If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal''Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?' probed the Rabbi. Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said 'I supose that I could beelected Pope, but. . . 'So the Rabbi says 'And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?''What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!'The Rabbi leaned back and said 'One of our boys made it. '
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Baby Joke
Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can't carry the mother.
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Animal Joke
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. 'That's the most amazing thing I've seen, ' I said. 'That dog really seemed to enjoy the film. 'The man turned to me and said, 'Yeah, it is. He hated the book. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control. 2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game. 3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'. 4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them. 5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty. 6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say. 7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful. 8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man *wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need. 9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved. 10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people. 11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip. 12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling. 13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch. 14. Women think all beer is the same. 15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest. 16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could* be. 17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day. 18. Women brush their hair *before* bed. 19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed. 20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling. 21. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?22. Women do *not* know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share. 24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. 27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail. 28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. 29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards. 30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse. 32. The first naked man women see is 'Ken'. 33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes. 34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn. 35. 'Oh, nothing, ' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language. 36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women. 37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading. 38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain. 39. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'40. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'. 41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check. 42. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'. 43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves. 45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested. 46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay. 48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, You don't see straight men dancing together. 49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women. 50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of dog does Dracula have ?
A bloodhound !
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries? A: Under 'Home Improvements. '
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Medical Joke
Why do doctors slap babies when they are born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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