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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of groom speech jokes and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 7
There are only three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't.
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At Work Joke
Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222. 02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244. 40 45. 21 61. 10 5. 89 6. 11CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX 12. 22 4. 44 1. 11 1. 16 1. 61UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX 2. 22 1. 11 1. 98 3. 93 0. 98CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE 0. 69 8. 32 3. 46 3. 46 5. 00NO PARKING FEE F. I. C. A. T. G. I. F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS. 10. 00 81. 88 9. 95 5. 85 16. 23DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS. 2. 50 0. 25 3. 41 4. 50 4. 33FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL 0. 11 6. 85 66. 51 3. 06 16. 85CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES 4. 32 4. 32 5. 85 3. 77 0. 69CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME 121. 35 1. 26 54. 83 9. 00 8. 00MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT 7. 00 6. 00 4. 44 12. 21OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING 10. 02 16. 54 38. 23 51. 42 46. 83MISC169. 24TAKE HOME PAY: $0000. 02
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Relationships Joke
NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!
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Elderly People Joke
Partial DosageAn elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked thepharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said 'That's no problem. Howmany do you want?'The man answered, 'Just a few, maybe '4
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an adder Great, can you help me with my accounts then please!
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Bar Joke - 2
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog. How you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from ducks. What city has the largest rodent population? Hamsterdam. What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates? 'Well done. 'What did one cloned sheep say to the other? 'I am ewe. 'What did one magnet say to the other magnet? 'I find you very attractive. 'What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. What did one potato chip say to the other? Shall we go for a dip?What did the painter say to the wall? 'One more crack and I'll plaster you!'What do cats like on a hot day?A mice cream cone. What do cats like on their hot dogs? Mouse-tard. What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
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Old age Joke
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout 'PRAISE THE LORD!' Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, 'There ain't no Lord!!' Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted 'PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!' The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, 'PRAISE THE LORD. ' The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, 'Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't. ' The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, 'PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!'
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Romance Joke
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, 'I'll be home in an hour. ' 'Perfect, ' she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife? She calls him on the phone and she says, 'Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half. ' The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. 'What should I do?' he asks. The Doctor replied, 'It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?' 'Yes' the man replied. 'Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?' said the Doctor. The man then replied with dismay, 'But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper. . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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