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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of good christian jokes and other funny jokes |
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Farmer's Branch, Texas:Customers waiting for car repairs at Swedish Auto Incorporated now have an alternative to reading old magazines. William Signs, owner of the garage, is offering a free marriage ceremony with any '30
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Car and train Joke
A man walks into an auto parts store and says 'I'd like a rear view mirror for my Yugo. ' The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while, then says 'Yup, seems like a fair trade to me. '
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Kids Joke
The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell herwhat she had described. Teacher: 'The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem. ' Timmy: ' I know what it is, it's an apple. ' Teacher: 'That's right, I like the way you're thinking. ' 'OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it. 'Christopher: 'I know what it is, it's an orange. ' Teacher: 'That's right, I like the way you're thinking. ' Johnny: 'Can I try, Teacher?' Teacher: 'Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!' Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for asecond, and says 'My object is round, hard, and has a head on it. ' Teacher: 'Alright Johnny, go to the office!' Johnny: 'No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!'
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Computers Joke
God's Human DNA CodeFor many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that verylittle of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that therest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin asfollows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA. H * * Human Genome * Version 2. 1 * * (C) God */ /* Revision history: * * 0000-00-01 00:00 1. 0 Adam. * 0000-00-02 10:00 1. 1 Eve. * 0000-00-03 02:11 1. 2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy -- * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater. * 0017-03-12 03:14 1. 3 Added extra sex drive to male. h; took code from * elephant-dna. c * 0145-10-03 16:33 1. 4 Removed tail. * 1115-00-31 17:20 1. 5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case. * 2091-08-20 13:56 1. 6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine. * 2501-04-09 14:04 1. 7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made * darker to match my own image. * 2909-07-12 02:21 1. 8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth. * Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate. * 4501-12-31 14:18 1. 9 Increase average height. * 5533-02-12 17:09 2. 0 Added gay option, triggered by high population * density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem. * 6004-11-04 16:11 2. 1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of * CD. */ /* Standard definitions */ #define SEX male#define HEIGHT 1. 84#define MASS 68#define RACE caucasian /* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files. * * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper * inheritance features. */ #include 'mother. h'#include 'father. h' #infndef FATHER#warn('Father unknown -- guessingn')#include 'bastard. h'#endif /* Set up sex-specific functions and variables */#include /* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper * library sometime soon. */struct genitals {#ifdef MALE Penis *jt;#endif /* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */#ifdef FEMALE Vagina *p;#endif } /* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication. * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers */DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *
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Medicine Joke
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining ofdraining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After theexamination, the doctor initiated a conversation that wentas follows:D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh?D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!L: ??EH??D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid. . . .
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Dog Joke - 2
What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire haired terriers !!
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A. You can park in the handicap zone.
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Dirty Joke
A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, 'Bring me a beer. ' The bartender then asks, 'Anheuser-Busch?' To which she replies, 'Fine thanks, and how's your cock?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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