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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of golf shorts and other funny jokes |
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Relationships Joke
For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, 'This was the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 50th anniversary!' Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and said, 'I'm going to come back and get you'Sent by Scott
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, 'What type of brain do you want?' 'What type?' the woman asked. 'Yes, ' replied the doctor. 'There is a substantial difference in price. For example, a one-pound brain of a surgeon costs $'60
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Priceless Joke
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. 'Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?'The woman replied, 'Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!I almost had an accident!I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!'Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, -'Ma'am. . . that's your air freshener!'
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Very Silly Joke
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. 'I have good news and bad news, ' the owner replied. 'The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings. ''That's wonderful, ' the artist exclaimed. 'What's the bad news?''The guy was your doctor. '
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Stand Up Joke
'I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, ' the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, 'but I don't know her size. ''Will this help?' she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. 'Oh, yes, ' he answered. 'Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours. ''Will there be anything else?' the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves. 'Now that you mention it, ' he replied, 'she also needs a bra and panties. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?11. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?9. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog. 8. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph. 7. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece. 6. Want to race to the station, Sparky?5. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!4. On the way to the station let's get a six pack. 3. You'll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!2. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!1. No, YOU assume the position.
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Sad Joke
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, 'Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!' The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, 'Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?' 'Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!'
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Mad Joke
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes in a basement? A: A whine cellar
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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