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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of golf books and other funny jokes |
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Stupid Men
What's the difference between an attractive woman and a proctologist?
A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.
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Animal Joke
1. It's not a laugh to practice barking at 3a. m. 2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid 6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk 7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can. 8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once. 9. No, it's my food. . . . Oh alright then, just a small piece.
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Dirty Joke
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3. 99 a minute.
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Father Joke
1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen.
2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
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Hunting Joke
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, 'Okay, lets get out and get him. ' After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, 'The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?' The guy in the front says, 'Well, I don't know how about you but I'm going to start nibbling grass. '
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Lawyer Joke
A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. 'Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, ' responded the lawyer. 'Sorry, but I can't do that, ' replied the stonecutter. 'In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer'. ' 'But that won't let people know who it is!' protested the lawyer. 'Sure it will, ' retorted the stonecutter. 'People will read it and exclaim, 'That's impossible!'
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Farmer Joke
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy hollow in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted, and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, 'You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today. ' The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, 'When do you have time to plough your land? At night?' 'No, ' the young farmer replied seriously, 'Night is when I put the water in the hole. '
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School Joke for Kids
There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car. So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. 'But, ' he said to the salesperson, 'I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the 'Z' replaced with an 'S'?' The dealer said yes, and it was done. And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, 'Wow, look at that S-car-go. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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