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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of gode jokes and other funny jokes |
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Worlds Best Joke
True story: A friend's mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, 'Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen's ball?'To that, he replied, 'No ma'am. We're Rangers! We don't have any balls!' He continued to write down some information. After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, 'Never mind. ' He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off - no ticket was issued.
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes? A. An interpreter.
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Top 100 Joke
Reasons Dates Have Given For Standing Someone UpI showed up early and decided I just didn't feel like going out after all, so I went home before you arrived. My dog died. My neighbor's bird died, and I had to console my neighbor. I figured that probably wasn't your real picture, so I didn't bother coming over. I overslept. I took the wrong freeway exit and got lost, and after 40 minutes, I gave up, turned around, and went home. I know I said I'd be at home at 8:00 P. M. , but I went out to a movie at 6:00 P. M. and had such a good time out after meeting some friends at the movie that I forgot all about our date and went out to dinner with them. I had the address, but forgot which city you lived in. Yesterday was the last day of my vacation, so I went two-stepping and ran into my ex there, and we fell in love again during a slow dance, so I can't date you any more, but I'd still like us to be friends. My roommate overdosed and I had to take him to the emergency room.
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Easy to Remember Joke
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery. 'How long will Ralph be on crutches?' the wife asked anxiously. 'Crutches? Why would he need crutches?' responded the surprised doctor. 'Well, ' said the wife coldly, 'You ARE planning to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you ?'
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Best Joke
Q: How are a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky alike?A: Insert Bill here.
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Short Joke
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. 'Louise, ' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?' 'Even worse, ' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face. ' 'He's an asshole, ' John said. 'Piss on him. ' 'You did, ' came the reply. 'And he fired you. ' 'Well, screw him!' said John. 'I did. You're back at work on Monday.
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Totally Weird Joke
THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys. BUTT (but) n female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger. ' male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n female: A desire to get married and raise a family. male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. female: A good movie, concert, play or book. male: Anything that can be done while drinkingFLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.
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Snake Joke
Why did the viper want to become a python ? He got the coiling !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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