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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of glasgow comedy festival 2008 and other funny jokes |
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Stand Up Joke
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'. With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Mama needs new clothes!' Then she hollered 'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!' She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I thought YOU were watching!' Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but most men are gullible.
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Father Joke
Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ?
Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it !
Teacher: What are you reading ?
Pupil: I don't know
Teacher: But your reading aloud ?
Pupil: But I'm not listening !
T
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Father Joke
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
A history joke
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
A history joke
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a du
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Children Joke
Mandy was applying for a summer job. 'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store. 'I'm twelve years old, Sir, ' answered Mandy. 'And what do you expect to be when you grow up ?' 'Twenty one, Sir. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner? Reservations.
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Bizarre Joke
A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients. He asks, 'And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?'Mr. Johnson replies, 'I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door. 'The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, 'Mrs. Johnson, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on. . . 'Mrs. Johnson yells, 'Steven! Daddy's peeing in the refrigerator again!'
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Teeth Joke
Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
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Funniest Joke
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. 'Well, ' says the personnel director, 'You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute. 'Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. 'Also, ' says the director, 'You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course. 'This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time. 'There's one last requirement, ' the director continues; 'you must be bilingual. 'With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, 'Meow!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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