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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of giving blood jokes and other funny jokes |
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Witch Joke
What has handles and flies? A witch in a garbage can.
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Miscellaneous Joke
************************* Chief Executive Officer Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CADear Sir, Listen you little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my 1997 resolution/wish list:1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!3. A REAL man. . . maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend, Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct. 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. 5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done. 6. A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery. 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec!8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe 'PMS Barbie', complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; 'Animal Rights Barbie', with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or 'Stop Smoking Barbie', sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum. 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl. 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it. Ok, Mr CEO, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple. Yours truly, Barbie Dreamhouse Malibu, CA
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Silliest Joke
A bloke walks into a pub with a frog on his head. The bar attendant asks. 'what's that on your head? The frog says. 'I don't know, it started out as a wart on my bum!'
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Bumper Stickers - 2
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
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Answer me this Joke
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
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E-mail Joke
How do Italian Chefs swap recipes? By Spaghett-e-mail!
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Miscellaneous Joke
10 Things Not to Say to a GirlFriend's Parents The First Time You Meet Them1. My parole officer thinks Teri has a calming effect on me. 2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?3. Which one of you taught Monica to give such great head?4. Can you believe it those shitheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check! 5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times. 6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion. 7. Angie is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her. 8. Nice place you've got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Monica's will be okay too. 10. Can I put my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost. . .
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Dumb Men Joke
Seminars for Men COURSE 001 Combating Stupidity COURSE 002 You Too Can Do Housework COURSE 003 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut COURSE 004 How To Fill An Ice Tray COURSE 005 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas COURSE 006 Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly - Don't Wash My Silks) COURSE 007 Understanding The Female Response To Your Coming Home At 4 AM COURSE 008 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception COURSE 009 Get A Life: Learn To Cook COURSE 010 How Not To Act Like An Asshole When You Are Obviously Wrong COURSE 011 Understanding Your Incompetence COURSE 012 YOU: The Weaker Sex COURSE 013 Reasons To Give Flowers COURSE 014 How To Stay Awake After Sex COURSE 015 SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try COURSE 016 SEX 102: Morning Dilemma - If IT's Awake, Take A Shower COURSE 017 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down COURSE 018 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency COURSE 019 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children COURSE 020 You Too Can Be A Designated Driver COURSE 021 Honest - You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson - Especially Naked COURSE 022 The Obtainable Goal: Omitting $@? From Your Vocabulary COURSE 023 Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary COURSE 024 Patronizing Does Not Work COURSE 025 Motel 6 Doesn't Always Keep The Light On Course 026 Real Men Ask For Directions FOR COUNSELING CALL 1-CHA-UVI-NIST
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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