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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of geriatric jokes and other funny jokes |
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Relationships Joke
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, 'I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles. ' 'She did, ' he replied. 'But where in the hell was I gonna finda fake Jeep?'
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Funny Kids Joke
What goes eek, eek, bang?A mouse in a minefield!
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Law Enforcement Joke
Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, 'I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that. '
'Just put the jacket on backwards. ' His friend advised. They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out.
A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police. They asked him, 'Are they showing any signs of life?'
'Well,' the farmer explained, 'the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!'
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Kids Puns
Redneck Driver's License Application. . . Plez compleet this paper, best ya can. Last name: ________________First name: [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann SueAge: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty PoliticianSpouse's Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________ Lover's Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] PetNumber of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) If you obtained a higher education what was your major? [_] 5th grade [_] 6th gradeDo you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?Vehicles you own and where you keep them: ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocksAge you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ kitchen ____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse ____ shed ____ pawnshopModel and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: [_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest [_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFOHow often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not ApplicableHow many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/ABrand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man [_] SkoalHow far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don't know
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Gender Joke
The top six reasons computers must be female: 6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner. 5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic. 4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference. 3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 2. The message 'Bad Command or File Name' is about as informative as 'If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you'. AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE: As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
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Kids Joke
Mom took little johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis. Doc. said, how did such a thing happen? Johnny said, 'It's that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp. '
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Computing Joke
WRITE IN C (sung to The Beatles 'Let it Be')When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom:'Write in C. 'As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers''Write in C. 'Write in C, write in C, Write in C, write in C. LISP is dead and buried, Write in C. I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, for science it worked flawlessly. Try using it for graphics!Write in C. If you've just spent nearly 30 hoursDebugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad toWrite in C. Write in C, write in C, Write In C, yeah, write in C. Only wimps use BASIC. Write in C. Write in C, write in C, Write in C, oh, write in C. Pascal won't quite cut it. Write in C. { Guitar Solo}Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C. Don't even mention COBOL. Write in C. And when the screen is fuzzy, And the edior is bugging me. I'm sick of ones and zeroes. Write in C. A thousand people people swear that T. P. Seven is the one for me. I hate the word PROCEDURE, Write in C. Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C. PL1 is 80's, Write in C. Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C. The government loves ADA, Write in C.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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