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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of george bush photos and other funny jokes |
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Food Joke
What food are you able to can? Cannibal (can able) food.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, 'you do God?s work. ' The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, 'you protect the public. ' The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, 'you serve the justice system. ' The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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Joke for Halloween
A priest and a Nun were lost in the desert, riding on a camel. All of a sudden, the camel dies, and their only transportation is gone. The nun and the Priest are now doomed to die, and they decide to just sit and talk and confess some things. . . during their conversations, they come across the subject of sex. The Nun then shyly speaks, 'I am a virgin, and have never seen what is between a man's legs'. So the Priest, being pretty confident about his size, whips it out, and tells her, 'This is a tool. . . the tool that gives life'. The nun thinks for awhile, and says - 'well then Mr, how about you shove that thing up that dead camel's ass!'
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College Humor
10. You can usually find someone to do it with. 9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off. 8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame. 7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it. 6. A little coffee and you can do it all night. 5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a 'book teaser. ' 4. You can do it, eat and watch T. V. all at the same time. 3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle. 2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it. 1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.
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Funny College Joke
What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub? A self cleaning coven!
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua? A short one!
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Ethnic Joke - 1
How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight?He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present?The duck wins.
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Blind Joke
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: 'You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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