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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of garrison keillor joke show and other funny jokes |
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Children Joke
Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman. 'Sure you can, Mickey, ' Charlie said, 'Just flap your armsreally *really* hard. ' So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below. Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, 'What the hell happened?!?'Charlie said, 'I was just teaching Mickey not to believeeverything someone tells him. '
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Ouch Joke
This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks 'Whats a failic symbol?Doctor says 'you're kidding. . 'Girl says 'no! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???'Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says 'You see? This is afailic symbol!'Girl says 'Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller'
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Yo Mama Joke
Yo mama house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies! Yo mama house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside
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Joke for Speeches
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, 'You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out. 'But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina. 'What did he say?' asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, 'He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me!''
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Kids Puns
One day Rastus and Liza Jane were sitting at the bus stop when Rastus ups and asks, 'Liza Jane can I's look up your dress before the bus gets here?'Liza Jane was startled and said, 'No Rastus you cain't!'Well Rastus persisted and persisted till finally Liza Jane said, 'Alright if'n it will shut you up you can. ' So Rastus looks up her dress and sees that see has no panties on to which he exclaims, 'Sho is a wonder!'Well the bus shows up and they gets on. Next day, Rastus and Liza Jane are sitting there again when Rastus ups and asks her, 'Liza Jane, can I look up your dress again?' Well Liza Jane at first refused, but as the day before she then gave in. So Rastus looks up there and seeing no panties he exclaims, again, 'Sho is a wonder!'Well this goes on for a few days when on the last day that Liza Jane would permit Rastus to look up her dress she tells him, 'Rastus you can look up my dress but you have to tell me one thing?'Rastus replies, 'What's that?''Every time you look up my dress you says, 'Sho is a wonder. Sho is a wonder what?'To which Rastus replies, 'Sho is a wonder your guts don't fall out!!'
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Mafia Victim Barbie . . . feet set in cement--she really sinks!
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School Joke for Kids
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day. Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. 'No, ' the inmate said, 'just get it over with. ''Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?' said the guard. 'You didn't even want a special last meal!'The inmate thought. 'Actually, ' he said, 'Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions. 'The guard nodded and told him to go ahead. The inmate started singing, 'One billion bottles of beer on the wall. . . '
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Farmer Joke
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, 'Pull, Nellie, pull. ' Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, 'Pull, Buster, pull. ' Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, 'Pull, Jennie, pull. ' Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, 'Pull, Buddy, pull. ' And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, 'Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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