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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny xmas texts and other funny jokes |
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Doctor and nurse Joke
A coffin was being moved when it fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the morticians started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, 'Doc, quick, give me something to stop this coffin. '
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Sport Joke
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top. How many times can you do this to us in a single game?' he screamed. 'You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter. ' The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. 'What it comes down to, ' he bellowed, 'is that you STINK!' The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, 'And how do I smell from here?'
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Dumb Men Joke
What did God say after she made Eve? 'Practice makes perfect. '
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Dumb People Joke
Daffynition: Hummingbird- A bird who forgot the lines to a song!
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Dirty Joke
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
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Poker and Gambling Joke
Did you hear the one about the woman who hit her husband on the head with a rolling pin?
Suffering from a sudden headache, her husband asked her, 'What was that all about?'
'I found a piece of paper in your jacket pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it. ' She replied
'That's the name of a horse I got a hot tip on. ' He replied
Accepting his explanation she apologizes for whacking him.
A few days later, she nails him on the head again, even harder.
When he regains consciousness, he asks 'Why on earth did you do that?'
'Your horse phoned. '
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Law Joke
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.
'If I lose this case, I'll be ruined. '
'It's in the judge's hands now,' said the lawyer.
'Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?'
'Oh no! This judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge. '
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, 'Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!'
'I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them. '
'But, I did send them. '
'What? You did?' said the lawyer, incredulously.
'Yes. That's how we won the case. '
'I don't understand,' said the lawyer.
'It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card. '
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Mouse Joke
How do you save a drowning mouse ? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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