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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny xbox mottos and other funny jokes |
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Dead and dying Joke
Where do ghosts go for their holidays? The Dead Sea.
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Ethnic Humor
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves andengage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind themignores their conversation at first, but her attention isgalvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;'Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come againand pee twice. Denna I come once-a more. ''You fowl-mouthed swine, ' retorted the lady indignantly. 'Inthis country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!'Hey, coola down lady, ' said the man, 'Imma justa tellun myfriend howa to spella Mississippi. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
A Horse walks into a bar: 'Hey buddy, ' says the bartender, 'why the long face?'
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Dumb People Joke
As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool. And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):. . drum roll. . . JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in theparking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easyenough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the planwas for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist hisfriend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop onthe other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himselfcrashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branchwhich snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw agroup of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, Johnremoved his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to freehimself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into Hollybushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being withouthis shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocketknife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his leftthigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw hima rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, hedecided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickuptruck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state, Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and crashedthrough the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown fromthe truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died at the scene. Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet fromthe vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with numerousscratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair ofshorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Saw It . . . Wanted It . . . Had A Fit . . . Got It!
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Bed Joke
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bed ! Bed who ? Bed you can't guess who I am!
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Irish Joke
An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims, ' may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony. ' The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies: ' no tanks, I'll just wait till the Garda get here!'
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Women Joke
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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