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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny wrapping paper and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she's a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it's like for her. Mom: So. . . . now that you have started dating, what's it like getting intimate with young men? Daughter: Oh you know how it is, boys are always insensitive and never care if intimacy isn't working for me. Mom: How? Daughter: Oh, stuff. . . . Mom: Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for mothers and daughters to talk about these matters. . . Daughter: I don't know. . . . . Mom: Now don't forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what dating boys was like for me, believe I remember Daughter: Really? Mom: Really. . . Daughter: Ok, for starters, how did you get their cum out of your eyes?
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bonnie ! Bonnie who ? Bonnie by soloflex !
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Mental health Joke
Psychiatrist to his nurse: 'Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse. ''
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Aardvark Joke
Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't? Aardvarks don't have trunks!
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Joke for Kids
Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at anairport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out thewindshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, 'Holy cow! Lookhow short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!'The copilot looked out the windshield. 'Wow! you`re right! That`sincredible! Are you sure we can make it?' 'Well we better, werealmost out of fuel. 'So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers toput their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergencylanding. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane tojust over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on theragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilotwas praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUSTbefore the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. 'WHEW! That was CLOSE!' yelled the captain. 'That runway was SHORT!''Yeah!' said the copilot, 'and WIDE too!'
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Ant Joke
What medicine would you give an ill ant ? Antibiotics !
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Medical Joke
The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S'What's that?', the patient asks. 'It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis. 'The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to which the Doctor responds, 'We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing butpancackes. ''Why only pancackes?', asks the patient. The Doctor answers, 'They're the only thing that will fit under the door. '
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Old People Joke
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs,gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth,seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. . .
'Bug off' she said, 'they're for the funeral. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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