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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny word searches and other funny jokes |
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Mental health Joke
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. 'Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?' asked the doctor. To which the third patient answered, 'Well Doc, I can't swim!'
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Various animal Joke
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it 'Hi Mr. Lion!' The other said, 'Where did you get the gorilla suit?' The lion, rather frustrated, asks, 'How did you know I was a lion?' The eagles then started to sing, 'You can't hide your lion eyes'.
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Miscellaneous Joke
You're momma so fat, she be sellin' shade!You're momma so ugly, she walked down the street and got arrested for indecent exposure!You're momma so old, her s*#t has wrinkles!You're momma so stupid, she gave birth to you and asked the doctor if you were hers!You're momma so poor, her idea of big spendin' is buyin' a gumball!
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Funny College Joke
Two girls were roommates. One evening, Millie came running in, shedding clothes on the way to the bathroom. She yelled, 'Hurry up Tillie, get ready for our date!'Tillie didn't know anything about the date and said so. Millie explained that she'd met two really great looking guys and had made dates for both of them for that evening. Tillie said, 'I'm not going out on any more blind dates. ''Why not?''They're always the same, ' said Tillie, 'It's sex, sex, sex!Nothing but a pain in the ass!'Millie looked at her in disbelief and exclaimed, 'Honey, you're doing it wrong!'
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Weather Joke
What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA.
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Car and train Joke
Policeman: Why didn't you stop at that red light? Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.
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Halloween Joke
What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy.
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Joke for Kids
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry!' she said, 'stand in the corner. ' She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you to, ' she whispered. 'Just pretend you're a statue. ''What's this, honey?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh, it's just a statue, ' she replied nonchalantly. 'The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too. ' No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. 'Here, ' he said to the 'statue
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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