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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny winks and other funny jokes |
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Romance Joke
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'Q: And why did that upset you?A: My name is Susan.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Cricket ! Cricket who ? Cricket neck means I can't lift anything !
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Love and Marriage Joke
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. 'But, officer, ' the man began, 'I can explain''Just be quiet, ' snapped the officer. 'I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back. ''But, officer, I just wanted to say''And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!'A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back. ''Don't count on it, ' answered the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom. '
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Money Joke
Why is a cat like a penny? Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.
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Business Joke
A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
'Oh, about $200 today,' said the rancher. 'But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out. '
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
'Here,' he said, 'is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now. '
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Worst Joke
Patient to optometrist: I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?Optometrist to patient: Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference.
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Practical Joke
Geez, what died in here? He looks natural but those shoes do not go with that dress. Nice service. . . where's the keg? When did he die. . . really. . . hey Bob, you won the pool!!! Hey, we're with the Publisher Clearing House Prize Patrol and we're looking for. . . oh, never mind. Don't look now Fred but you and the deceased have the exact same suit on. You know they touched that body up cause that shark has one of them legs. Not to cause panic or anything but something is leaking out of that casket.
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Joke for Halloween
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who`s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?'The guy replies, 'I`m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City. 'Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. 'The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it`s the minister`s turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years. 'Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. ''Just a minute, ' says the minister. 'That man was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?''Up here, we work by results, ' says Saint Peter. 'While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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