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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny wedding wishes and other funny jokes |
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Christmas Joke - 2
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
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Joke for Speeches
Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'__________________________________________Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet!__________________________________________Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap!__________________________________________Wife to husband: 'What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?'Husband to wife: 'Golfing with friends, my dear. 'Wife to husband: 'What? At 2 a. m. ?!'Husband to wife: 'Yes, We used night clubs. '__________________________________________A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'' Honey, 'the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'__________________________________________Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card. 'Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. '__________________________________________'How was your blind date?' a college student asked her roommate. 'Terrible! 'the roommate answered. ' He showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce. '' Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?''He was the original owner!'__________________________________________In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:'Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin. 'Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told these men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: 'Returned un-opened. '__________________________________________A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word 'beans'. 'My father grows beans, ' said one student. 'My father cooks beans, ' said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: 'We are all human beans. '__________________________________________Teacher : Let's take the example of the busy ant. He is busy all the time, works all day and every day. Then what happens ? Little Johnny : ' He gets stepped on. ' __________________________________________Interviewer to Millionaire: 'To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?'Millionaire: 'I owe everything to my wife. 'Interviewer: 'Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?'Millionaire: 'A Billionaire!'
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Joke for Speeches
Knock Knock Whos there? Luke Luke who? Look through the keyhole and you will find out!
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Dumb Joke
These are NOT made up. These are the actual titles of Country Songs. . . 1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed2. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye3. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?4. I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?5. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling6. I Got In At 2 With a '10
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Website Joke
Why couldn't the baby camel surf the Internet? Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.
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Easy to Remember Joke
A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house. The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp. The husband asks: 'Did we break that too?''Yes', replies the man. 'Sorry. Do you live here?' the husband asks. 'No, actually, I'm a genie. ' The man states. 'I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?'The husband thinks a moment: 'First, make my wife a better golfer. ''Poof! She's a better golfer', the genie announces. 'Second, I want a million bucks a week for life. ''Poof! you get a million bucks a week', the genie announces. 'Good. OK, what do you want?' asks the husband. 'For my wish. I want to have my way with your pretty wife, ' grins the genie. 'Hmmm', the husband hesitated, 'I guess that's all right. After all, she broke your lamp, you've made us rich, and our golf games will be much more interesting. Go ahead. 'So the genie and the wife retire the bedroom. After several steamy hours the 'genie' says to the wife: 'How long have you known your husband?''Ten years, ' she replies. 'How long has he believed in this genie stuff?'
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Kids Fairy Tale Joke
Friar Tuck was a monk, so why did he get involved in a life of crime?
It was his habit!
How did Robin Hood tie his shoe-laces?
With a long bow!
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Bumper Stickers - 7
You have been a naughty boy, go to my room!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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