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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny wedding greetings and other funny jokes |
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Funny College Joke
Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other?A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
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Strange Humor
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?'The Fairy Godmother replied: 'Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. 'I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension. ' Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Cinderella said 'Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!' The Fairy Godmother replied 'It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: 'I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again. 'At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again: 'You have one more wish, what shall you have?'Cinderella looked over to Alan, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. 'I wish you to transform my old cat, Alan, into a beautiful and handsome young man. ' Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stoof before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother said: 'Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life. ' With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms. He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, 'I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?'
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Dirty Joke
Why did the condom cross the road? Because it was pissed off.
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Dumb Joke
There are two guys walking in front of a large church. One guy says to the other, 'Just a minute, I'll be right back. 'He goes into the confessional and says, 'Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I have had two extramarital affairs. ' The Father says, 'You need to say 40 Hail Marys, and I also need to know if the women were members of my parish. 'The confessor replies, 'Yes Father, they were. 'The priest says then that in order to receive absolution he, the priest, needed the names of the two women. The man said, 'Father, I don't kiss and tell, and besides, I must leave them to handle their own confessions. 'The priest responded, 'Well, was one of them Mrs. O'Reilly?'The man replied, 'No Father, and I wouldn't say anyway. I've told you that!'The priest says, 'Well, was one of them Mrs. Brown?'Exasperated the man said, 'No Father, and I told you I'm not telling you the names of the women!!!'The priest said, 'Well then I'm going to expel you from the congregation for 6 months! The man said. 'OK, fine. ' and left. As he approached his friend at the bottom of the steps his friend said, 'So, how did it go?'The confessor said, 'Great! 6 months off, and two leads!'
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Various animal Joke
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, 'Hey lady, you are really ugly. ' Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, 'Hey lady, you are really ugly. ' She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, 'Hey lady, you are really ugly. ' The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, 'That's not good, ' and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, 'Hey lady. ' She paused and said, 'Yes?' The bird said, 'You know. '
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Sports Humor
A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yardsright down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler andthe ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight athim. It hit him in the temple and killed him. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked atthe big book and said, 'I see you were a golfer, isthat correct?''Yes, I am, ' he replied. St Peter then said, 'Do you hit the ball a long way?'The golfer replied, 'You bet. After all, I got here in '2
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Simple Joke
ENGLISH PHRASE----------------------CHINESE TRANSLATIONAre you harboring a fugitive?--------Hu Yu Hai Ding?See me A. S. A. P. ----------------------Kum Hia NaoStupid Man---------------------------Dum GaiSmall Horse--------------------------Tai Ni Po NiYour price is too high!!-------------No Bai Dam Thing!!Did you go to the beach?-------------Wai Yu So Tan?I bumped into a coffee table---------Ai Bang Mai NiI think you need a facelift----------Chin Tu FatIt's very dark in here---------------Wai So Dim?Has your flight been delayed?--------Hao Long Wei Ting?An unauthorized execution------------Lin ChingI thought you were on a diet---------Wai Yu Mun Ching?This is a tow away zone---------------No Pah KingYou are not very bright---------------Yu So DumI got this for free-------------------Ai No PeiI am not guilty-----------------------Wai Hang Mi?Please, stay a while longer-----------Wai Go Nao?Our meeting was scheduled next week---Wai Yu Kum NaoThey have arrived---------------------Hia Dei KumStay out of sight---------------------Lei LoHe's cleaning his automobile----------Wa Shing KaYour body odor is offensive-----------Hu Man Go!Pew! does this bathroom stink!--------Hu Flung Dung?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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