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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny wedding gifts and other funny jokes |
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Redneck Joke
Whats the square root of 69?ANSWER -- EIGHT something
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Military Joke
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. 'Your jeep stuck, sir?' asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside 'Nope, ' replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys 'Yours is. '
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.
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Assorted Joke
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday??A: Tell them a joke on Wednesday!!
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Movie and TV Joke
Q: How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.
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Insect Joke
How does a queen bee get around her hive ? She's throne !
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Joke Online
At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So how's life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.
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Computing Joke
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except father's mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung next the modem with care In the hope that Santa would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, With visions of computer games filling their heads. Dark Forces for Billy, Doom II for Dan, Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by mum, To santa@toyshop. northpole. com--Which now had been re-routed to Washington State Where Santa's workshop had been moved by Bill Gates. All the elves and the reindeer had had to skedaddle To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle. After living a life that was simple and spare, Santa now finds he's a new billionaire, With a shiny red Porsche in place of his sleigh, And a house on Lake Washington just down the way > From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans. The elves have stock options and desks with a view, Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue. No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums Will be under the tree, only compact disk roms With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive, >From now on Christmas runs only on Win95. More rapid than eagles the competitors came, And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name. 'Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too, Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you're all of you through, It's Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist, It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist - Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf, And on the package, a picture of Santa himself. Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's theme, And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream. To the top of the NASDAQ! To the top of the Dow! Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!' And mum in her 'kerchief and me in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter, As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky, The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy. As I sprang from my bed and was turning around, My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound. And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates. And I heard them exclaim in voices so bright, have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night!The above document was written by Chet Raymo.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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