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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny wedding cakes and other funny jokes |
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Mother Joke
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. 'Mother Potato?' she said. 'I have an announcement to make. '
'And what might that be?' said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.
'Well,' replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, 'I'm getting married!'
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, 'Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter'
'I'm marrying a Russet!'
'A Russet!' replied Mother Potato with pride.
'Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!'
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. 'Mother? I, too, have an announcement. '
'And what might that be?' encouraged Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, 'I, too, am getting married!'
'You, too!' Mother Potato said with joy. 'That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?'
'I'm marrying an Idaho!' beamed the middle daughter.
'An Idaho!' said Mother Potato with joy. 'Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!'
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. 'Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make. '
'Yes?' said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
'Well,' began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, 'I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!'
'Really?' said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. 'All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?'
'I'm marrying Peter Jennings!'
'Peter Jennings?!' Mother Potato scowled suddenly. 'But he's just a common tater!
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Miscellaneous Joke
What does a duck like to eat? A quacker!
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Easy to Remember Joke
Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong? Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. Im sorry, I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me. One of his buddies asked: What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole!Oh my God, the other golfers said; That must have been horrible!Horrible? You think it`s horrible?Bob cried in disbelief; It was worse than that!!!!Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice. . .
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Fun Joke
Well, if there's any truth to this study at all, then I should live to be 180 minimum! :)From the New England Journal of Medicine:Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, 'Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out' declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby. Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. 'Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation, ' explains Dr. Weatherby. 'There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier. ''Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years. '. . . hmmm - I wonder if PC boobies count?P. S: I've already volunteered myself to science just in case they want to do a 'hands on' study of the same type. . . woo-hoo!
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Animal World
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?A headbanger
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Monster Joke
The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn't like him anyway.
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Funny School Kids Joke
Did you hear about the vampire.
He fell in love with the girl necks door.
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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