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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny wedding cake toppers and other funny jokes |
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At Work Joke
When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, 'I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of theprincipal. ''Oh my God! Well, er, what was is that?''I'll explain it, ' he continued, 'as soon as you've undressed. '
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes? A: Slow clowns.
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away. ' 'I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day. . . we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest. ' The blonde very calmly explains, 'No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here. ' The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. 'If you need anything, just let me know, ' he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, 'Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?' 'No, ' re plies the blonde, 'I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!'
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Zoo Joke
Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar. 'Let's get out of here!' said Sauer. 'Go on, if'n you want to, ' said the other redneck. 'But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!'
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Clean Humor
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan. 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
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Free Adult Joke
One node short of a network. One of the early failures of electroshock therapy. One pane short of a window. One pearl short of a necklace. One prayer short of absolution. One press short of a CAPS LOCK key. (Types all uppercase. ) One punch/swing/hit short of a fight. One sentence short of a paragraph. One shade short of a rainbow. One shingle shy of a roof, and the water's getting in. One ship short of a full fleet. One side short of a pentagon. One signature short of a book. One sleeve/button short of a shirt. One snowflake short of a ski slope. One song short of a musical. One span short of a bridge. One step short of the attic. One strawberry short of a quart. One strike past being called out. One sub short of a party platter. One taco/enchilada short of a combination plate. One teabag short of a pot. One tower short of a castle. One tree short of a hammock. One vine short of the tree. (For Tarzan types. ) One weight short of a shipwreck. Only one oar in the water. Only playing with 51 cards. Only playing with the jokers
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Business Joke
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. 'I need someone with an accounting degree, ' the man said. 'But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me. ' 'Excuse me?' the accountant said. 'I worry about a lot of things, ' the man said. 'But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back. ' 'I see, ' the accountant said. 'And how much does the job pay?' 'I'll start you at eighty thousand. ' 'Eighty thousand dollars!' the accountant exclaimed. 'How can such a small business afford a sum like that?' 'That, ' the owner said, 'is your first worry. '
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School Joke
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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