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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny war games and other funny jokes |
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Instrument Joke
Q: How do you make him stop playing?A: Put notes on it!Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?A: Pick on someone your own size!Q: What's the definition of a minor second?A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?A: Counterpoint. Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?A: Give him a sheet of music. Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say, 'Not bad, but I could've done better'. Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?A: Would you like fries with that?Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?A: You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
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Humorous Joke
A man comes to an Italian doctor because of sore throat. The doctor tells him to pull down his pants and to swing his genitals in the window. 'What does this have to do with my throat?''Nothing, I just hate the neighbors!'
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Dog Joke - 1
What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow ? Slush puppies !
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Naughty Joke
The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um. . . little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctorand explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad forher. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, 'listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband'son his way out. . . Get this prescription, and put three drops in hismilk before he goes to bed. ' The wife is very happy and thanks thedoc profusely. Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went. The lady blushes, smiles and says, 'well I put thirty drops in hismilk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to closethe coffin. '
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Cowboy Joke
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, 'Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat. ' The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. 'Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, 'All right buddy, what's you're name?' 'Sam, ' the cowboy moaned. 'Where ya from, Sam?' With pain in his voice Sam replied. . . . 'The balcony. '
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Funny Kids Joke
What's green a slimy and found at the North Pole?A lost frog!
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Law and Lawyer Joke
How can I ever thank you? gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles. 'My dear woman, ' lawyer replied, 'Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question. '
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Food Joke
What ghost is handy in the kitchen? A recipe spook.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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