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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny voice clips and other funny jokes |
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Spoof Joke
At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic. 'What's it cure?' asks a member of the audience. 'Nothing we don't already have a drug for, ' the internist replies. 'Well, what's so miraculous about it?''One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!'
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Marriage Joke
A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. 'Are you a friend of the bride ?' he asked. 'Certainly not, ' she snapped, 'I'm the groom's mother. '
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Internet Joke
Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!
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Instrument Joke
Q: What's the definition of a nerd?A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?A: So they can park in the handicap zones. Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?A: Gifted. Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces. Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?A: You can almost hear them. Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?A: You can't!
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Cowboy Joke
Who do zombie cowboys fight? Deadskins.
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Joke for Speeches
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, 'I was just being the Ring Bear!'
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Joke for Halloween
The Rookie Cop. . . A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, 'Let's get off the corner people. 'A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again. . . 'I SAID, let's get off that corner. . . NOW!'Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, 'Well, how did I do?'Pretty good, ' chuckled the vet, 'especially since this is a bus stop!'
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Naughty Joke
The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are:1. Passionate Lady2. Bare Belly3. Silk Panties4. Conscience5. Jockey Shorts6. Clean Sheets7. Thighs8. Big Johnson9. Heavy Bosum10. Merry CherryAt the Post:They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot. At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson. At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming. At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head. Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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