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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny vintage t shirts and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him, because he was dressed in really colorful clothing. He had all this colorful make-up on, and his hair was spiked up withred, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, 'Hey, old man, what are you lookin'at, eh? Didn't you doanything strange when you were a teenager?' 'Well, yeah, ' the old man answered. 'Once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son.
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King Kong Joke
What do you get if King Kong falls down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
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Ghost Joke
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Honk if I'm Jesus!
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Spoof Joke
A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings. It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her 'you have the nicest breasts'. She says 'thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you'. He replies 'I would pay you $10 just to see one of them'. She thinks for a minute and decides to do it. He says 'Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw. . . . I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time'. She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says 'your best friend just stopped by'. He answers 'Great did he leave the $20 he owed me'
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Politics Humor
A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturantin Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the bestcountry in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says, 'Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in frontof the White House in Washington D. C. and yell 'PresidentClinton is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me. ' TheCuban waiter replies, 'We have that same freedom in Cuba. Icould stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing andnothing would be done to me too!'
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Funny Famous Joke
Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother:'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick. . . . a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST!Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go. . . I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel. . . I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats. . . . they have nine lives or something. This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet. 'Mother fainted.
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Golf Joke
After coming from a long round of golf, his wife kissed him and kissed their son who came in a few moments later.
'Where's he been', the husband asked.
'He's been caddying for you all afternoon', the wife replied
'No wonder he looks so familiar!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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