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The
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5QS |
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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny videos of cats and other funny jokes |
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Strange Humor
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, 'Sir, what is that on your shoulder?' The old farmer said, 'That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes. ' 'I'm sorry, Sir, ' said the ticket girl, 'We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken. ' The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie. 'Marge, ' whispered Mildred. 'What?' said Marge. 'I think the guy next to me is a pervert. ' 'What makes you think so?' asked Marge. 'He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out, ' whispered Mildred. 'Well, don't worry about it, ' said Marge, 'At our age it isn't anything we haven't seen before. ' 'Yes, ' said Mildred, 'But this one's eating my popcorn!'
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Funny Joke Online
Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the new driver. 'I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive, ' says the beaming boy to the his dad. 'Nope, ' comes dad's reply, 'I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years!'
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Humorous Joke
**********************************************Q. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?A. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. ********************************************** Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A. 'Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!' ********************************************** Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A. Her blinker was on. ********************************************** Q. What do you call a blond skeleton in a clothes closet?A. The 1960 hide-and-go-seek champion. ********************************************** Q. How did the blonde hurt herself while raking the leaves? A. She fell out of the tree ******************************************** Q. How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye? A. Shine a flashlight in her ear. ******************************************** Q. Why did God give every blonde two more brain cells than a cow? A. So they don't moo-moo when you pull on their tits. ********************************************** Q. How do blonde brain cells die? A. Alone. ********************************************
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Money Joke
One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm looking for my dollar bill, ' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road. ' 'Why don't you look for it there?' 'Because the light's better here!'
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School Joke
Teacher : Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it. Pupil : When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail !
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Dog Joke - 2
What dog takes the money and runs fast! A payhound!
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Pig Joke
Doctor, doctor, I've got a little sty.
Then you'd better buy a little pig.
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Weather Joke
A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, 'Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas'.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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