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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny videos for your phone and other funny jokes |
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Practical Joke
THE Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you. 6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else. 5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months. 4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky. 3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2. Less guilt the next morning. . . . and the number one reason trick-or-treating is better than sex . . . . 1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
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Festival Joke
The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus. ''Forget the bonus, ' the turkey said, 'All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?'
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Lawyer Joke
'How can I ever thank you?' gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. 'My dear woman, ' Darrow replied, 'ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question. '
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Joke for Holidays
One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year olds, 'I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived. 'An Irish boy put his hand up and said, 'It was St. Patrick. 'The teacher said, 'Sorry Sean, that's not correct. 'Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, 'It was St. Andrew. 'The teacher replied, 'I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either. Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, 'It was Jesus Christ. 'The teacher said, 'That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2. 'As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, 'You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ. 'Marvin replied, 'Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business!'
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Bumper Stickers - 5
I'm back by popular demand.
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Naughty Joke
A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, 'how much?' she replies, '$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up. ' He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, 'it's my hairdresser's fee!'
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Job and Office Joke
HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. 'That's a good point, Sparky. ' 'No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha. ' Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom. ' Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it 'IN. ' Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, 'Oh you've got to be faster than that. ' Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
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Political Joke
When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog. Democrats watch for 'incredible TV offers' on late night television.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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