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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny videos for your mobile and other funny jokes |
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Mother Joke
One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. 'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'
Son: 'But why Mom? I don't want to go. '
Mom: 'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go. '
Son: 'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
Mom: 'Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready. '
Son: 'Give me two reasons why I should go to school. '
Mom: 'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
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Baby Joke
How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle.
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Computer Joke
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated 'I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish. ' The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said 'I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east. ' The genie responded, 'Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits. ' The programmer then said, 'Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes' Genie: 'Uh, let me see that map again. '
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Mom Joke
One evening after dinner, my five-year-old son Brian noticed that his mother had gone out. In answer to his questions, I told him, 'Mommy is at a Tupperware party. '
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, 'What's a Tupperware party, Dad?'
I've always given my son honest answers, so I figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. 'Well, Brian,' I said, 'at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other. '
Brian nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. 'Come on, Dad,' he said. 'What is it really?'
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Bed Joke
Why did your sister keep running around her bed ? Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep.
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Teeth Joke
What do you get if you cross teeth with candy ? Dental floss !
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Political Joke
A political man to a woman, 'You look beautiful today!!!!' The woman replied, 'Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you. ' 'Sure you could!!' said the political man, 'if you could lie as well as I do!'
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Christmas Joke - 1
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?Santa Clues!Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck!What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?Freeze a jolly good fellow ! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?Santapplause ! Twinkle Twinkle chocolate barSanta drives a rusty carPress the starterPress the chokeOff he goes in a cloud of smoke ! Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?Santa Jaws ! Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe ! Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?Because they both have 'Sandy claws' ! What does Father Christmas call his money ?Iced lolly ? What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?Santa pause !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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