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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny vegetable cards and other funny jokes |
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Doctor Joke
It is recounted that at Kings College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the years rounds by teaching 'a singularly important principle of medicine. ' He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. 'Diabetes, ' he said, 'is a Greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic. . . 'By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample was passed on to us for an opinion. We all dipped a finger into the fluid, all of us foolishly licked that finger. 'Now, ' said the Registrar grinning, 'you have learned the first principle of diagnosis. I mean the power of observation. 'We were baffled. We stood near the sluice room outside the ward, and in the distance, some anonymous patient was explosively coughing. 'You see, ' the registrar said continuing triumphantly, 'I dipped my MIDDLE finger into the urine, but licked my INDEX finger, not like all you chaps. '
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Lord save me from your followers.
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Joke Online
Sam arrived home from work early one afternoon only to surprise his wife busily engaged with a midget in bed. After chasing the rogue away, Sam liberally expressed his dismay to his wayward spouse. 'I just don't know what to do with you!' he said, shaking his head. We've talked about this over and over. We've spent hours with the marriage counselor. I was really starting to believe that I could trust you again. ''I know, I know. . . ' acknowledged the wife contritely. 'But at least I'm cutting back!'
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Clean Humor
A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off. The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away. The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life. The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing. The doctor thought for a moment and said. . . 'Yes, there's a nasty bug going around. ' DOH!
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock! Who's there? Ben. Ben who? Ben wonderin' what you're up to!
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Silliest Joke
Adam was strolling through the , and he asked God, 'God can you put someone else on this planet with me? It's kind of lonely here?' So God said, 'I will put on earth a woman, ' ''What is this woman?' asked Adam. 'A woman is somebody who will provide companionship and take care of all your needs, ' explained God. 'Oh holy master, what is the price for this women'' asked Adam. 'The price for her is your left arm and your right eye, ' said God. Then Adam replied, 'Ehh. . . what can I get for a rib?'
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Fun Joke
A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said 'If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop. ' The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said 'Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops. ' She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said 'Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!'Finally, the girl turned and said 'Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!'
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Redneck Joke
What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?Blowing bubbles.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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