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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny valentines gifts and other funny jokes |
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Children Joke
What were you before you came to school, boys and girls? asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say 'babies. ' She was disappointed when all the children cried out, 'Happy!'
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Marriage Joke
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star. ' Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, 'Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?'
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Computers Joke
USENET ParodyNo no, the question is: How many USENET posters does it take to changea lightbulb?A1. Define 'change'A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out?A3. Don't use the word 'posters' to describe us, it's offensive tolarge sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls. A4. That question is not appropriate for this group, please take itelsewhere. A5. I think it's perfectly appropriate, this is alt. fan. lightbulbs. A6. Well, that's because you're a twit. A7. Who are you calling a 'twit'? Besides, you spelled 'twit' wrong. A8. Oh? And how exactly do *you* spell 'twit', twit?A9. Could you two take this to e-mail? Doesn't anyone want to talkabout lightbulb fans instead of flaming?A10. You're a twit also, who died and made you net. cop?A11. Look, all of you, take it to alt. flame or e-mail or something. A12. Hey, USENET is an anarchy, you have no right to tell them what topost or not post. A13. Speaking of anarchists, why don't you all vote for Andre Marrou, Libertarian Party Candidate for President?A14. Because the Libertarians are all twits. A15. Waitaminit! Now we're arguing politics on alt. fan. lightbulb????A16. Stop wasting bandwidth with this stuff!A17. What 'stuff' pray tell?A18. Yikes! It's dark in here!A19. Define 'dark'. A20. I mean the lightbulb must be out. A21. So change it. A22. Define 'change'. . .
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Religion Joke
On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, 'What's a four -letter word ending in 'unt' which means 'woman'?The bishop said, 'Did you try 'aunt'?The Pope said, 'Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?'
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Time Joke
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, 'W'atcha do with the money, son?' 'Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!' answered the boy. 'Yew dumb ignoramous!' yelled his father. 'Yew should 'av bought yoreself a rifle!' 'A rifle? What fer?' 'Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife, ' explained the older redneck. 'W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?'
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Clinton Joke
Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas? A: Highway 55.
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken you open the door and let in please?
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell? Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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