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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny valentine verses and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Barry ! Barry who ? Barry the dead !
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Best Joke
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?A: It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
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Aviation Joke
An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York. Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement. The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, 'Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don't see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!' The controller answered in a calm voice, 'Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747's collide!'
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?A: Facing Bloomingdales
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Bar Joke - 1
A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. 'Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday' Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.
One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.
'Well' the guy says, 'I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18'
The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say 'happy birthday, happy birthday!'
The bartender asks 'So which one died?'
'No one. '
'But you only ordered two drinks!'
'Yeah, well, I've given up drinking. '
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Worlds Best Joke
Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, 'Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions. 'Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, 'Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!' With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, 'The pupil of the eye, in dim light. ''Correct, ' said Mr. Perkins. 'And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you. 'One, you have not studied your lesson. 'Two, you have a dirty mind. 'And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment. '
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Joke Online
It's a bummer to be an egg because. . . 1) You only get laid once. 2) You only get eaten once. 3) It takes 7 minutes to get hard. 4) You have to come in a box with 11 others. 5) The only one who'll sit on your face is your mother.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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